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The Four
Wise Men (Asses)
Tales From the Sin Bin- July 27, 2004:
Very quickly, what is the
biggest joke in organized, league hockey? If you
answered the officiating your wrong (they're a close
second). The correct answer is the AHAI (Amateur Hockey
Association Illinois) Disciplinary Committee. Don't
believe me? I had the pleasure (or burden if you look at
it another way) of sitting in on a hearing for Bulldog,
Ted Markos.
As you may recall from
news stories in the past couple weeks, Ted was
suspended for allegedly firing a puck at an opposing
player after the final horn blew. The puck
struck opposing player "Whiny" Whalen in the chest,
who proceeded to attack Markos with a forearm shot and
a series of eye gouges. Whalen received a one game
suspension for his WWE antics, whereas Markos got
three and a visit to the principals office to decide
whether he would be reinstated or not.
The hearing was set for
July 21st at 8:30 PM, forty five minutes before the
Bulldog's game was to begin. Both parties (and
witnesses) were asked to attend. The Bulldogs had 11
players show up in defense of their teammate, while
players from 'Team Shannon' sent no one. The 'Wise
Asses', proceeded nonetheless by asking questions to
Markos as if he were a second grader. One 'Wise Ass'
asked condescendingly, "How did you feel when you hit
this other player?" Markos responded in his Oscar
nominated performance "Uh, I was mad, but I felt
really, really, really bad after I did it, cuz I
didn't wanna hurt anyone." In other words, regardless
of how guilty Markos was for his crime, a phony, kiss
ass apology is all it would have taken to clear his
name. "Give him credit though, he told those clowns
exactly what they wanted to hear and they took the
bait" said Alex Martinez.
At about 9:00 PM, another
Wisenheimer decided to waste five more minutes of
valuable time (remember, the Bulldogs had a game to
play in 15 minutes) by reminiscing about the good old
days when he and his fellow players didn't wear
helmets-when men were men and facial injuries were
part of the game. Blah, blah, blah. Those four bums on
their best day didn't look like they could tape a
stick let alone play hockey. Come on, old farts, do we
really need this bogus procedure for reinstatement?
Does it make you turkeys look official?
The Wise Asses took less
than two minutes to mull over and decide Markos' fate,
before heading out for a couple cold ones. "I think
during the time they were deliberating, they were
deciding which tavern to hit, instead of the matter at
hand." joked Martinez. All jokes aside, if all future
hearing will be as ridiculous, purposeless and the
charade that this one was, then just drop them. Hand
out the suspensions and leave it at that.
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