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Homosexuals and Hockey
Tales From the Sin Bin-
No one talks about it, no
one wants to talk about it, but much like the proverbial
tree that makes noise as it falls in the woods when no
one is around, it exists. Like the rest of us, they roam
the streets, go to work, and go about their daily lives.
Unlike the rest of us however, they prefer the pulsating
pleasure of another man pumping their colon with
reproductive juices. Who are they? They are homosexuals,
and yes, they too play hockey.
I'm not going to spend this space lecturing anyone
about the ethical, psychological or spiritual rights and
wrongs of homosexuality. Along with the Bulldog’s
organization and I, we are NOT homophobes. In a public
statement, GM and goalie Alex Martinez stated "We had
‘Hot Lesbian Giveaway Night’ last season, and we have
displayed pictures of hot lesbians on our ‘Girlfriend of
the Week’ section of the team website. Does that sound
like we are gay bashing organization? The last time I
checked, lesbo’s are gay"
This editorial is about how the presence of
homosexuals can affect a hockey team, both on the ice
and off. Some of you readers may be wondering what
triggered this article. Several Bulldog players have
recently complained about a couple of their teammates
who have made innuendos, references or outright
harassing remarks. These remarks were not only sexual in
nature, but homosexual.
In one recent email, an unnamed player (we at the sin
bin will not incriminate Bulldogs players based solely
on their alternative lifestyles), suggested that all
players shower and bathe with one another after every
game. Some say that he suggested they also shower on off
days as well. Another player felt that this would be a
wonderful idea because "teams that play together stay
together". We at the sin bin originally thought that
this was a gag or a joke between players. This was not
the case. Other players have suggested in the past that
team celebrations be held at ‘Hunters’, a male strip
club. One certain player (who will also go unnamed),
claimed that this was indeed factual. I have included
one of his letters to our editor.
Dear Sin Bin Dude,
What’s with gay stuff going on around our team? I
don't play with fags, fairies, tinkerbells, fudge
packers, butt pirates, rectum diggers and jizz swappers.
They can't come (no pun intended) into our locker room
and change or shower with us. I don't think I'm alone in
this. Most of the guys feel this way
I was
talking to a dude on our team, Percy (not his real name)
who I think is a flaming faggot. He said "does this
sexual preference make them different than us?" Well, I
say HELL YEAH! What if we are playing in a tight game in
overtime, and I'm setting this queer up for a one-timer,
but he whiffs because he is too busy staring at my ass
instead of the puck. What if this same player needs to
be knocking opponents out of the crease, but instead
chooses to hang out in the crease, strictly for the
purpose of grinding up against the other players. What
if this same player breaks a nail or gets knocked on his
ass and starts whining like a b**ch….
Anonymous
The letter was way too
long and graphic to display, but it seems as though this
player suggests that homosexuals cannot maintain the
manhood to survive in such a violent game, nor can they
focus on the game without fantasizing about the other
players on the ice. He further suggests that the gay
player’s sole purpose with the team is to check out
their ‘packages’ in the locker room as well as lathering
his teammates up in the shower.
Do I agree with Mr. Anonymous? In principle the
politically correct answer would be to say no. But the
majority of the heterosexual players on the team share
the same sentiments as our insensitive, homophobic
friend who wrote the letter. According to one usually
quiet player "If a gay player publicly suggests that
showering with his teammates is a good bonding
experience, than he has implied that he is more
interested in his nude teammates’ accessories than the
game at hand. That creates a huge distraction."
I think he makes a great point. In addition, he adds
"If a heterosexual player is put in a situation where he
is playing (as well as showering & undressing) with a
gay player, then he too will lose his focus. The
knowledge of a gay players sexual orientation is enough
of a distraction to affect the cohesion of any team. To
also wonder if your teammate is fantasizing about you in
the locker room and on the ice in a sexual manner is
awkward to say the least. It creates a negative
diversion from the real purpose of trying to win hockey
games"
With all of these distractions, will the Bulldogs
suffer in their upcoming campaign?
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