GAME RECAP BULLDOGS Catfish Date/Time Rink 11 3 07/22/2005 East Rink

July 25th, 2005- The ‘Bulldogs’ completed their shortened summer season on Friday night with an 11-3 trouncing of the ‘Catfish’. The game capped off an amazing season for this once moribund franchise, which saw them outscore their opponents 88-23 and finish with a 9-1 record.

The ‘Bulldogs’ knew they had their work cut out for themselves. They had only seven skaters dressed at game time with several key players unable to show. Joey V. was still being detained for his alleged fatal assault on a homeless man. Jason Darfler was out with cramps and a yeast infection. Frank Lionello was forced to leave town in a hurry since he still has not repaid several gambling debts to the local loan shark. Defenseman, Tony Feeney was a last minute scratch as he was arrested early Friday morning after it was learned that he used corporate funds for ‘Bulldog’ drinking parties, strip clubs and other vices. He has since been released on bond.

The game started out slow. Neither team could get anything going offensively until midway through the first period when Ryne Gerstner broke the deadlock. The ‘Catfish’ responded twenty seconds later by scoring on an odd man rush. That would be about as close as the game would get. The ‘Dogs’ went on to score five more goals in the period to take a commanding 6-1 lead. The goals were scored by Gerstner (2 unassisted, 1 assisted by Markos & 1 assisted by Sal Karim & James Senne) and Ted Markos (1 assisted by Gerstner & 1 assisted by Sal Karim).

The second period got sort of ugly. The ‘Bulldogs’ scored early on Gertsner’s fifth goal (assisted by John Reeg & Maher Karim). The ‘Catfish’ scored twice to narrow the gap to 7-3, and could have built some momentum to mount a comeback. Unfortunately, their substitute goalie, Andy ‘Oz’ Osvath decided he would begin slashing several players, mainly Sal ‘Oak’ Karim. After serving two minutes early in the period for retaliating, Sal decided enough was enough. Osvath went after Sal and the two traded fisticuffs, earning ‘Oak’ four penalty minutes and an ejection. “F**k that fat pr*ck” said the usually mild mannered Sal. “That a**hole whines because he can’t stop a goal and screams like a bitch when I hit him” Fortunately for the ‘Dogs’, Osvath’s actions offset the ‘Bulldog’ penalty and Sam Karim showed up just in time to replace Sal.

With a four point lead in the third period, the ‘Dogs’ could have easily coasted with the victory.

However, they chose to send a statement to the EAHL commissioner and all of the teams in the league instead. They scored four more goals and shut out the exhausted ‘Catfish’, holding them to a meager total of three shots-on-goal. The goals were scored by Mike Mancuso (assisted by Reeg & Markos), Maher Karim (assisted by Gerstner & Markos), Reeg (assisted by Sam Karim) and the ESPN play of the week on a goal scored by Gerstner (unassisted) while laying flat on his back. The ‘Oz’ didn’t take too kindly to the show boat antics of Gerstner, when he slammed his tick against the ice. “Who cares” said Gerstner. “I just wanted to embarrass him for being such a toilet nugget.” Osvath was not available for comment after the game.

“I want to thank everyone who participated this season” said Alex Martinez. “We should have gone 10-0, but we’ll take the 9-1 record. We have come along way and were constantly improving. On this night, it could have been a tough game and we could have made excuses because we played with only 8 players. Even so, we handed this team a can of whoop ass, like we have all season, beating them 11-3”.

Martinez also commented on the playoff situation “The Edge has not been able to decide if we will have a playoff series. All signs indicate that it will not happen. If they do have one, it looks as though it will occur sometime in late August. It appears as though we’ll have to wait and see who they award the league championship to since they will be using a BCS type system. At the very least, we can argue that we had the best record in the league, we’ve scored the most goals and given up the fewest. If they award it to someone else, then we have a legitimate argument for a playoff game.”

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Next up: July 29-31, 2005, 3rd Annual Czechoslovakia Cup Tournament.